I am so close to the end of my rope ...

Princess Ivy · 05-15-2006, 02:25 PM

Hi all, i know i've not been around much, as some of you know i'm going through a very rough patch at the moment and a very nasty divorce. for the last four years my life has been hell and it has just errupted again into bedlam. i honestly think that i'll collapse if anything else happens. And so i'm going to rant it all out. I@m only going to cover the last three weeks, else it'll take to long.

Because of the difficulties with my ex, he is only allowed to visit the kids in a supervised environment. the first appointment came through four weeks ago. i was given notice the week before, althoguh only four working days, because of easter. my son already had promised to go to his best friends birthday party. as soon as i found out, i rang my solicitor (i won't speak to my ex as he just starts swearing at me) and explained that i'd need to leave early. the next week thursday my mother starts moaning at me, that my daughter had had to give my ex the news. i rang my solicitor and discovered that there had been a blip in the cogs. he promised to let everyone know by the next day, but i didn't believe it, so i swallowed and rang myself. got sworn at for my trouble, but at least i was sure the message had gotten through. the appointment was between 2-4 on saturday. the birthday party was at 4. i arrived five mins late (i got lost - blush). he arrived at 3.55. he went off again about the leaving early, and i was asked to comprimise. which i did. it wasn't his fault that he hadn't been told by the solicitors in advance (not mine either, but then, shrug...) he burst into the room is was waiting in and started swearing at me. the center manager removed him and told him he was now on warning. i ended up leavign at five to and being very late for the party. the next saturday i arrived early, there didn't seem to be any problems, except that my ex followed me to the bus stop telling me how he was sorry for our break up and trying to get me to talk about the 'good ole days'.
the thrid saturday, and last for contact, started well enough, with calls early in the morning. my daughter has made a movie in school (i tell ya, spielberg should be warned...) and she promised him a copy. great, i don't have a dvd writer. so we popped to some friends. they live accross the road from me. we were saying goodbye, my daughter had run ahead to open up. i followed within a few mins. when i got home, he was walking out of my front door. laughing. he'd pushed his way into my house to take photos. my daughter was in a state. he hung around a few mins, swearing and threatening me. he we'ed on the outside of the house, and sloped off. now, you have to wonder at the next bit, cause i really do.
i rang the police, who arrived. they spoke to me, no statements or anything (this is the fourthtime i've had to call them because he was trying to get into the house). they told me they weren't going to push charges as it would upset my daughter, the only witness (i don't understand that at all). they then drove me to the center. i must be missing something here, because i don't know how that can be right. he has tresspassed, threatened, harassed and defecated on my house, but they still took us to meet him? when we got there, he was waiting outside and again, swearing etc... although at the police. then the police got me out of the car and he ran for me again, one officer took him inside, the other took the kids???????? i was to shocked to do anything. the officer told me they didn't think he'd do anything to me, and so wouldn't push charges?
it got even worse when i went to pick the kids up. he was then baned from the center. i have laid a complaint against the police for their handling of it. i was told that a warning was issued. i have since found out that this was a verbal warning, probably along the lines of: it would be nice if you didn't bother your ex again, please please with a cherry on top...
i spent all last week getting an injunction against him. i knew it would kick off again on saturday. i was told everything was in place. so when the center rang to tell me he'd arrived there and stormed off to come to find me, i rang the police to let them know what was happening, barricaded my house and sent the kids upstairs with my mother. i took up position with a rolling pin where i could peek through the curtains. he arrived, duly swearing and threatening to kill me, and alternatly crying. i called the police again. they arrived...
and told me that he had a legitimate reason for coming to my home????? and they wouldn't do anything to him????? again. Once again we lodged a complaint, this time someone came and took a statement. they were 'shocked' at the handling of the case to this point. as far as i know he has now been charged. but i don't understand any of this. why am i being punished for his behaviour. he is nuts, just because he feels i'm responsible for something, or he imagines a reason to try to kill me again, does that mean he can do it? i'm hurt and confused, and not a little bit hysterical.

steve12553 · 05-16-2006, 04:02 AM

I went through I miserable divorce but I can't begin to identify with this. I believe I can say you have all our sympathy.

Phyllis Sidheuaine · 05-16-2006, 08:40 AM

Ask the judge who granted the injunction to talk to the cops. S/He'll straighten them out. (Judge =

)

You might also want to ask for a restraining order and have your (soon-to-be) ex have a social worker be the person who supervises the visits (preferibly a social worker who isn't afraid to "step in" and/or is a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist.)

Phyllis Sidheuaine (and :kitty: delegation)

Princess Ivy · 07-28-2006, 04:24 PM

this case finaly came up last week. i went to court and he was found guilty (in absentia) of breaching the peacce. a bench warrent was issued for his arrest.
just to clarrifyu, 'restraining order' is a broad term used to cover a number of possible injuctions that it is possible to take against someone. i currently have an anti-harassment order and an occupation order. this means he has to stay away from me, my children and my home. i have also been trying to get a social worker for nearly two years. following this incident and the inquiry into what went wrong, one was assigned. she assessecd me and my children and came to the conculsion that as i'm doing everything i can for them, they will not get involved, unless it escalates (i assume if he actually cut my head off they'd do something, but have to wonder if i'm being to optomistic there.
i have also ben to court this week to settle the custody issue. his custody claim has been dismissed. i am satisfied that my kids are safe, but sad that they have lost their father. i wish things could be different. i did love him and he was a good father, before he was overcome by a mental illness which stole him from us.

Alexa · 07-28-2006, 08:59 PM

I hope he has to help you with money for the kids, at least till they are majors.

Glad to hear it's over with your nightmares.

Princess Ivy · 07-28-2006, 11:22 PM

meh, due to his 'problems' he is no longer drawing a paycheque, so no, no child support. first two months without it, i really struggled, now, although i could use it, i've learned to do without.

nesacat · 07-29-2006, 05:49 PM

I went through a pretty messy divorce two years ago but this is terrible. I'm glad to hear that everything is finally coming to an end and you'll be now able to put it all behind you. Police the world over seem to be the same when it comes to these things. I hope things start falling into place for you now and you can laugh again with your children.

j. d. worthington · 07-29-2006, 06:03 PM

Wheee-ew! I don't know what to say, other than you have my deepest sympathies on this, and a shared frustration with the way the authorities tend to handle these things.... I wish I could say something other than that, but my own experience with divorce has been none too pleasant, either.... I wish you the best... keep us posted....

Phyllis Sidheuaine · 07-29-2006, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Ivy

this case finaly came up last week. i went to court and he was found guilty (in absentia) of breaching the peacce. a bench warrent was issued for his arrest.
just to clarrifyu, 'restraining order' is a broad term used to cover a number of possible injuctions that it is possible to take against someone. i currently have an anti-harassment order and an occupation order. this means he has to stay away from me, my children and my home. i have also been trying to get a social worker for nearly two years. following this incident and the inquiry into what went wrong, one was assigned. she assessecd me and my children and came to the conculsion that as i'm doing everything i can for them, they will not get involved, unless it escalates (i assume if he actually cut my head off they'd do something, but have to wonder if i'm being to optomistic there.

PI, as long as I don't read about you in an Ann Rule book or on her website, I'm pretty content. One of the cases she wrote about, the victim was hospitalized with arsenic poisoning. Her beloved husband poisoned her and one of their children. (You can read about the case in Last Dance, Last Chance. It's the title case.) Both victims survived the poisoning (even though the woman's arsenic levels are usually considered lethal.)

The :kitty: delegation is ready and (somewhat) willing to visit whenever you need. *several :kitty:s "touch up" their immaculate coats at the mention of their delegation*

Phyllis Sidheuaine

Princess Ivy · 07-29-2006, 09:37 PM

thanks for the support guys. no, i won't end up like that, sometimes i think that that is why i have so much trouble. if i took him back and let him beat the heck outta me, then i'd have all the help in the world.
the kitty delegation would be most welcome, in fact i have a spare tub of chicken livers waiting, however will have to be a virtual trip as the 6month quarantine is just not fair to them. sigh.