I am so close to the end of my rope ... - Page 2

nixie · 07-30-2006, 12:16 AM

Sorry to hear about whats been going on Ivy.Take care

steve12553 · 07-30-2006, 05:14 AM

I spent several years in a bad marraige and 13 months of "in the process" of divorcing. Most of the time things eventually get better. Mine did after firing my lawyer and making a deal with the devil (and her lawyer). Hang in there. As this group can tell you. Time will help out a lot.

Princess Ivy · 07-30-2006, 01:11 PM

I know, and i do believe things will get better and that i will learn from the experience, in fact, i'm already much better. this has given me the direction and focus that i need to study and move on with my life. Also venting about it helps loads. so thanks for the ears guys.
part of the reason i've been so down about this all is that it has taken so long to sort out. Problems started about four years ago and have gotten steadily worse. i'm hoping this is the darkness before the dawn.

nesacat · 07-30-2006, 05:36 PM

This is the darkness before the dawn. The closer things got to being resolved for me the more frightening it all seemed. I guess you're afraid it will somehow not happen. But it does and times does heal and things will get better. I know you won't feel this now and I didn't then but there's things you'll learn about yourself and what you need and are willing to compromise on. It does provide focus and impetus to do many things and move on. In my case it gave me a great deal of courage to walk my own way. And yes ... above all talking helps. Take care Ivy.

Redhawk · 09-17-2006, 09:49 PM

Yikes, you've got a truly scary story here! I hope that by now things have calmed down and more that you are safe. (The kids too of course.) I tend to be a bit on the worried side with situations of this nature.

An unfortunate number of women WITH restraining orders are still attacked by threatening individuals. I surely do not like or approve of the "good old boy" attitude that your local police showed in their supposed duty towards protecting you...I'm PO'd for you on this mess!

Has he not shown enough violence and unstable behavior to warrant some sort of evaluation as to his Mental/Emotional control?

I almost wish you could just change your name and move...BE AWARE, CAREFUL AND SAFE!

Princess Ivy · 09-18-2006, 10:22 AM

thank you for your support redhawk, he has in fact been evaluated and assessed and found to be 'nuts'. unfortunatly in this country, that doesn't nessicarily mean that anyone can actually be looked after without their express consent. my ex simply refuses to accept the diagnosis or that anything is wrong with him. as it is all a conspiracy, headed by me, simply because i cannot accept that my marriage is over (his words), he sees no reason to change and i can't make him.
the latest in this long saga is that he showed up again a few weeks ago and i had him arrested again, this time, it was discovered that the two restraining orders that i had were not effective enough. he was let go, again, although now i have a new restraining order which seems to be working. i'll keep my fingers crossed.

madnotbad · 10-20-2006, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Ivy

Hi all, i know i've not been around much, as some of you know i'm going through a very rough patch at the moment and a very nasty divorce. for the last four years my life has been hell and it has just errupted again into bedlam. i honestly think that i'll collapse if anything else happens. And so i'm going to rant it all out. I@m only going to cover the last three weeks, else it'll take to long.

Because of the difficulties with my ex, he is only allowed to visit the kids in a supervised environment. the first appointment came through four weeks ago. i was given notice the week before, althoguh only four working days, because of easter. my son already had promised to go to his best friends birthday party. as soon as i found out, i rang my solicitor (i won't speak to my ex as he just starts swearing at me) and explained that i'd need to leave early. the next week thursday my mother starts moaning at me, that my daughter had had to give my ex the news. i rang my solicitor and discovered that there had been a blip in the cogs. he promised to let everyone know by the next day, but i didn't believe it, so i swallowed and rang myself. got sworn at for my trouble, but at least i was sure the message had gotten through. the appointment was between 2-4 on saturday. the birthday party was at 4. i arrived five mins late (i got lost - blush). he arrived at 3.55. he went off again about the leaving early, and i was asked to comprimise. which i did. it wasn't his fault that he hadn't been told by the solicitors in advance (not mine either, but then, shrug...) he burst into the room is was waiting in and started swearing at me. the center manager removed him and told him he was now on warning. i ended up leavign at five to and being very late for the party. the next saturday i arrived early, there didn't seem to be any problems, except that my ex followed me to the bus stop telling me how he was sorry for our break up and trying to get me to talk about the 'good ole days'.
the thrid saturday, and last for contact, started well enough, with calls early in the morning. my daughter has made a movie in school (i tell ya, spielberg should be warned...) and she promised him a copy. great, i don't have a dvd writer. so we popped to some friends. they live accross the road from me. we were saying goodbye, my daughter had run ahead to open up. i followed within a few mins. when i got home, he was walking out of my front door. laughing. he'd pushed his way into my house to take photos. my daughter was in a state. he hung around a few mins, swearing and threatening me. he we'ed on the outside of the house, and sloped off. now, you have to wonder at the next bit, cause i really do.
i rang the police, who arrived. they spoke to me, no statements or anything (this is the fourthtime i've had to call them because he was trying to get into the house). they told me they weren't going to push charges as it would upset my daughter, the only witness (i don't understand that at all). they then drove me to the center. i must be missing something here, because i don't know how that can be right. he has tresspassed, threatened, harassed and defecated on my house, but they still took us to meet him? when we got there, he was waiting outside and again, swearing etc... although at the police. then the police got me out of the car and he ran for me again, one officer took him inside, the other took the kids???????? i was to shocked to do anything. the officer told me they didn't think he'd do anything to me, and so wouldn't push charges?
it got even worse when i went to pick the kids up. he was then baned from the center. i have laid a complaint against the police for their handling of it. i was told that a warning was issued. i have since found out that this was a verbal warning, probably along the lines of: it would be nice if you didn't bother your ex again, please please with a cherry on top...
i spent all last week getting an injunction against him. i knew it would kick off again on saturday. i was told everything was in place. so when the center rang to tell me he'd arrived there and stormed off to come to find me, i rang the police to let them know what was happening, barricaded my house and sent the kids upstairs with my mother. i took up position with a rolling pin where i could peek through the curtains. he arrived, duly swearing and threatening to kill me, and alternatly crying. i called the police again. they arrived...
and told me that he had a legitimate reason for coming to my home????? and they wouldn't do anything to him????? again. Once again we lodged a complaint, this time someone came and took a statement. they were 'shocked' at the handling of the case to this point. as far as i know he has now been charged. but i don't understand any of this. why am i being punished for his behaviour. he is nuts, just because he feels i'm responsible for something, or he imagines a reason to try to kill me again, does that mean he can do it? i'm hurt and confused, and not a little bit hysterical.

Hi im new here, sorry to hear you have been going through such difficult times, be nice to chat if you want to? Im a good listener xx

Leto · 10-20-2006, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madnotbad

Hi im new here, sorry to hear you have been going through such difficult times, be nice to chat if you want to? Im a good listener xx

Nice offer, except that we're a discussion board and not a chat room.
Please introduce yourself in the proper place, read the announcement and the rules of the board, and tell us more about you in the several place of this board before asking to chat with anyone. This way it's just a lot less scary.

debrajean2 · 07-12-2007, 02:39 AM

Sometimes all we really need is a place to vent and someone to listen...we're all here for you.

7 out of 10 of us have all been in the exact same spot you're currently in, it will change around. You sound like a tough cookie and you will undoubtedly get through this in a much better place. Chin up, my dear!